Forever in the Past and Forever in the Future

Kas’s POV

I look in the bathroom mirror and sigh, “ Lex, we're doing the right thing here, right?”

“Yeah. I truly believe we are. Everything will change. We've known for centuries it wouldn’t be easy, but right now, you have all the tools and resources you need to make it happen,” she reassures me, “You've got this.”

“You can feel it taking over, can’t you? The darkness. Even with Delilah trying to help remove its presence every day?”

“That is your human spirit, Kas. I don’t feel it. I just sense that I feel you're not the same anymore. You may never be, honestly. But I will always be here for you, regardless.”

I lean against the back of the door and cross my arms, “What if I'm happier this way? With this feeling inside. I'm stronger than I've ever been. It's a little scary, but it feels good too.”

“Kas, what do you want me to say? That you should stop letting Delilah try to help you? Let yourself become corrupted by dark magic?”

“A part of me does, yeah.”

“I love you, Kas, but if you really feel that way, go to Hell.”

“I plan to, Lex,” I cut her off, not wanting to start more of an argument with her. I look in the mirror closely one more time. There are dark circles forming under my eyes and my skin is becoming pale. I need a break from all this, but there’s no time for that.

I fix my ponytail, then open the door. Without warning, Julia shoots a fireball from her hands directly at me from another direction a dark smoking potion gets hurled at me, I deflect them both with a swipe of my hand before either can land on me, then extinguish them with an incantation before they can damage the carpet.

“Good, but stop holding back. Who's next?” I call out, prepping for two more sisters to step forward and spar with me using their abilities.

“Kas, you're going to get hurt,” Leticia stops in the hallway, looking worried and tired.

“Letica, do you think she’s going to take it easy on me?” I put my hands on my hips, scolding her, “No. She won't and I'll

“We all need a break, Kas,” Leticia wipes her forehead with her sleeve, “We've been at this for hours. You may have Zeus's endless energy, but we don't, darling.”

“IT only have a few days left,” I drop my shoulders and soften my tone, “I just want to make sure I'm as ready as! can be soI can come back and take care of all of you.”

“Are you going to stay for dinner?” A voice calls from the kitchen.

“Not tonight, darling,” I call back.

I have been coming to the apartment every day to train with the Mavri Magea and strengthen my skills. Somehow, the apartment knows we are training and morphs itself into a full gym for us to use. When we finish for the day, it changes back into a regular apartment with enough bedrooms that I guess we could consider it a dormitory.

The Mavri Magea are trying to get along for my benefit, but I can tell it is a strain on them to all have to be in this proximity to each other. While being close to them strengthens me naturally, it is not so natural for someone who controls fire with their mind to be near someone who controls other people’s emotions for very long. I understand now while they spread themselves around the globe instead of being a close-knit unit like the Sentinel or the Mavens.

I haven't told them any of the details, just that I plan on continuing forward until Ihave completed what I started centuries ago. None of them question me. They just insist on helping if it's going to help them and the Manae.

When we're not training, we’re working on a plan to get the cursed silver pieces from the packhouse vault. 1am surprised how easily the ten of us can work together on it. All I had to do was show them the layout of the packhouse and explain where the vault was, and they eagerly asked if they could help by using their own talents. Iam more than grateful for all the input I can get, but hesitant about letting them use their talents against anyone in my pack.

While I spend my days with my sisters, Diane thinks I'm sleeping. Cora told me I would feel pain when she died, but I didn’t realize it would happen when other Manae died as well. Leticia believes I only feel the deaths of the other Leaders since I share their abilities. She has never known me to experience pain of a bond breaking when one of the Mavri Magea dies in previous lifetimes. So we come up with ways to hold back the pain through magic. It’s uncomfortable in its own way, not feeling the natural pain of mourning. Some days it works and I'm okay, but other days, once Bronx and I are alone, the dam breaks and all the emotions and physical pain escape at one time.

When I'm with the Mavri Magea in our gray and green apartment, I feel great. Almost invincible, regardless of my physical appearance seeming to deteriorate. They share their energy with me willingly. It is dark and a little erratic, but I'm doing my best to control it. [have too much at stake to let the dark overtake me, yet. Sometimes, though, I can’t help it and I let it be my driving force, knowing I have one goal in mind. The person I was before all of this would never have relinquished themselves to the thoughts and ideas I have now. I would have never been strong- willed enough to see this through.

When I'm home in the packhouse, I feel perpetually exhausted. Everyone assumes it is from the pain of losing

Amari. In reality, it is just stress and the strain of training with my sisters all day. There is so much riding on this plan. Delilah comes every evening to meditate with me and try to cleanse me of dark energy as much as she can, but she isn't able to get all of it out. Every day, it fills me a little more, refusing to relinquish its grip on the edges of my soul, and every day, I let it nestle deeper in the corners that are becoming heavier and darker. It doesn't help that Zeus's foreign energy is eating away at me trying to escape. I fight every second of every day to contain it. I am going to need it when the time comes.

I make Bronx take me to the dining room every day. I need to be around the pack. Some sense of normalcy and distraction from the changes happening in my mind and body makes me feel better about what I'm doing. Sometimes I see people look at me and whisper to each other. Other times they smile as they walk by, but don't stop to say hello like they used to.

The patient, caring parts of my soul that refuse to give up on trying to be a good person and become disheartened at the pack members’ reactions to me. I see them look at me sympathetically or whisper to each other and shake their heads while they look from the corners of their eyes. They smile politely when they walk by, but they rarely say hello to me anymore. My little storm cloud hovers over me most days as I fight the urge to shout at them and demand respect.

There is some redemption when Hannah tells me how much she loves school and introduces me to her new friends. They are so thrilled about their Solstice play. Even though I promised Hannah I wouldn't miss it, Idon't know if I will be here. Maybe I won't be anywhere. It's hard to say. I'm glad they're excited, though. I do my best to pretend to be excited for them and pray to my Mother that they will stay innocent forever.

When the days are all said and done, sometimes! can keep it together and relax with my mate, enjoying each other's company in the privacy of our apartment. Other nights, the dam breaks inside of me and I can't help myself. He holds me and comforts me while I cry until I fall asleep. I let our mate bond comfort me and I pray to my Mother again. This time it's not for the innocence of children. It's for redemption and mercy for my future actions.